Dr. K, Teacher and Friend

I've been away celebrating the life of a wonderful friend who happened to be one of our professors. He died when a medical center shuttle ran a red light and was hit side-on by a big-rig hauling cars. He was only 52, and he left a 5-year-old son and a 7-year-old daughter. Our entire community was left in shock at the loss. When I heard the news, I basically couldn't believe that he was gone forever. It was a heartbreaking loss, but (and this is a testimony to his amazing and bright personality), I also felt gratitude for having been one of his students. He was my advisor, and he was one of the key founders of the small case-based curriculum I went through my first three years. He was well loved by many. I didn't always agree with his perspectives, but he and I got along really well (everyone was tickled by his personality, I doubt there was anyone he didn't get along with). He was clearly a devoted teacher and loving father. He wore his heart on his sleeve in the best possible way.

Just to give you a sense of him, this was an excerpt from his last email to me:

"Ni, your letter MADE MY DAY.

thank you so much for taking the time to let me know how you are.
With all that you have to do, it's a bit of a gift from you to me.

know that I am here to help as we go forward in whatever way I can.

warmly, -k"

He was not just loving, but hypomanic (by self-admission): he did inpatient medicine, teaching, worked in Africa to further medical education there, was the curriculum and technology developer for our tiny program, and was the college advisor for over fifty medical students. He touched so many lives, but was never reserved or distant. Not long before his death, I bumped into him in the library, where he told me about mourning for his mom. They had been very close. I was amazed at how open he was with all of us, and how much of his life (especially about his family and kids) he shared. His sense of humor was outrageous but always kind and considerate (which is not an easy feat).

When I wanted to meet with him to discuss career decisions, he invited me over to his house for tea and discussed how he and his partner made his residency ranking list together so that his partner would have a say in where they lived after the Match. He encouraged me not to let board scores influence my decision about specialties. At the time, I didn't agree, but now I think I know what he meant. He had fought his whole life to do things that everyone said were impossible, and he wanted that sense of limitless possibility for me, too. He talked about his son and daughter constantly. He was just a bright, bubbly, happy person and I'm sure he wouldn't want us to be sad now. I have shed a few tears, but I am also filled with a light, beautiful sense of gratitude for his kindness and warmth that I am sure is directly inspired by him. Or Him?


Because, although I didn't know it, Dr. K was a devout Catholic. The priest said, "He was a good Catholic, and he was a true Christian. I know he is in Heaven now with his mother and father, with whom he was so close." Above is where his wake and service were held. The entire church was full. I went to the wake for family and friends because I didn't want to cry in front of people I didn't know. It was lovely to be around the staff, students, and my classmates who all knew him as well or better than I. Their warmth and support felt as though it came from K. His memorial service at the medical center was broadcast to three venues, which were all full. His students and colleagues spoke and it was clear to me that K had shared himself without hesitation with so many people.

The weekend before he died, he left me a voice mail on a Saturday night returning a call. I didn't call him back because I didn't want him to work on a weekend. I hope that the time not spent advising me was used to play with his kids or spend time with his partner. I know that their pain must dwarf ours now. It would have been nice to talk to him again before he died, but I know that Dr. K wouldn't have cared about something as trivial as that. He would simply have wanted there to be no regrets and only happy memories. That said, wasn't it amazing that he returned non-urgent student calls on Saturday night?

It really says something about a man when 300 people can say they all knew him well and loved him. It inspired me to live with joy and a sense of infinity, and to remember to follow my calling, no matter how unlikely it may seem. Thanks, K. You invested so much time in me and all those around you. You cared so much about our lives. You never said a harsh word. Now that you have moved on, we carry you with us always. We will always remember your way of living. We will always appreciate how you gave 110% of yourself. Your life was a huge success and inspiration to so many. You will be missed. And I am so utterly grateful that I knew you. I will try to be more like you going forward. Thank you for everything.

Rest in peace, dear Teacher.