Hello again! As I have a wait step in one of my experiments, I have a moment to come and write. I have been away for a long time, but I do have an excuse for my absence: B and I got married at the end of May. It was one of the loveliest things that has ever happened to me. With the help of friends and family, we did a lot of the crafting of the wedding ourselves. I will post more about that in future updates, but just wanted to check back in with my new blog.
Since the wedding (pictured here, with my maid of honor and our officiant in the background), B and I have moved into our new apartment. We had dropped off his belongings from Los Angeles before the wedding, but it was only two weekends after the wedding that we were able to visit my storage unit in Berkeley and recover the possessions I had stored there while living at my parents' place for a year. Now we have a little bit of furniture (although still no chairs), a big computer, and the all-important wireless network! There are still unopened boxes, piles of important papers, and a narrow pathway through the house. However, we do have a functional kitchenette, the laundry has been effortless so far (it's free and four steps from our front door), and the cat has moved back in! Since B and I are both studying at the moment, it's hard to find time to work on unpacking and setting up. Hopefully 15 minutes here and there will eventually lead us to a completed apartment.
We went to the bank and opened a joint account two weekends ago, and the teller asked us, "Does it feel different now that you're married?" It's the standard question you get after a birthday, and in that case the answer is usually no (at least in my case). When he asked us about marriage, though, we looked at each other and paused. It did feel different. They say it's just a piece of paper, but the fact that we separated the legal and the community ceremony shows what we think of that. I think that successful marriages are based on a belief that a private and public declaration of lifelong commitment does absolutely mean something. I am very grateful for it. So it felt different. I am also glad that we both decided to change our names and have a joint account.
In terms of the name change, it became a little controversial among friends and family. Living on the West Coast in such a liberal city, it has gotten to the point where true-blue feminists get angry when they hear you are changing your name, and the traditionalists are miffed if you aren't. We came from two different families in this regard. B's mom changed her name because she did not want to keep her father's, so they all share the same last name. In my family, my brother and I got the same last name but it is an old family name from both sides, and is different from both my father's and mother's last names. So our last name is, in some ways, unique to us. I didn't want to give that up. Apparently, in Denmark at the turn of the last century, name change was so important that the king had to sign off on it (at right)!
When B and I talked about getting married, the name change was an important issue. Your name does represent your identity, after all. Together, we decided that we a) wanted the same family name for all of us and any children we had, and b) we would find a relatively fair way to do it so that I would not be giving up my whole last name while he kept all his names. At first, we thought we would just have two last names, so we would both be Firstname, Middlename, Hislast Mylast. However, California law makes this very difficult, because unlike other types of name change, you cannot do it directly on the marriage license. So we decided we would both change our middle names to my last name, and change our last names to his last name. Now we are Mr. & Mrs. Mylast Hislast, and our children will be, too. Since his last name became our last name, we agreed that we would try to give any kids that came along Indian first names so that they had a lasting sign of their bicultural heritage. I think this final decision shocked both of our parents equally, which is probably indicative of a good decision...just kidding.
Anyway, being married is an incredible gift, as is seeing B every single day. Even on nights when I get home from lab at 7 pm, I still see him more than I did when he was in LA. Imagine that! You know, it boggles my mind that people were so generous as to travel to our wedding and also send us gifts. Their presence at the wedding and the wedding itself was more than enough. What amazing friends and family. Really. I am still writing thank you notes to all these wonderful people.
Since the wedding, I also started my new job! You can see a picture of my very own lab bench, above. It's actually a research fellowship, but I call it my job because it pays me and it's not directly related to the medical school curriculum. I'm working in an immunology lab and it's a great working environment. It's fun to be surrounded by smart people, and there are many clinician-scientists. I've already had the chance to present a patient at conference, which was fun. Hopefully I can begin regularly seeing patients at the weekly clinic. My other goal (other than studying for the second medical licensing exam) is to learn STATA, a statistical software program that is widely used for epidemiology research.
So, in short, we are adjusting to a calmer and more 'normal' way of life as we try to sort out the apartment, the legal Bar studying, the research, and the being married before we go on our (slightly delayed) honeymoon in August (another very generous wedding gift).
