I have missed this blog. And I simply cannot keep a diary online in my own name. So, in short, I came back! And it feels really, really nice to be back. But there's a small difference, which you might notice in the header. I'm no longer a future doctor lady, but an actual doctor. And that's a scary thought. And given that residency is the equivalent of two full-time jobs, I likely won't be able to write often, but I do want to write. It's been amazing. Very intense, very frightening and at times, incredibly sad, but amazing. It turns out that my dream program really was my dream program.
So how does intern year work? You rotate through various areas of the hospital for a month. Child neurology is two years of general pediatrics, one harrowing year of adult neurology, and then two years of being the child neurology "fellow", meaning senior resident who is called by everyone in the middle of the night for pediatric neurology consultation (ie is this child having a stroke?). Yes, children have strokes.
I am currently rotating through the emergency department. It varies from very slow to really quite insanely busy with a lot of very serious disease. In just day for example, we had one patient with newly diagnosed cancer and one baby with pyloric stenosis, a girl with ovarian torsion, four suicidal patients (boys and girls), and multiple appendicitis scares with a couple of true cases, multiple fractures, children with bad cuts needing stitching, some concussion, and one case of possible abuse. That does not include all the children with asthma attacks, bad viral illness, and croup. It was a busy night. But I have to say, putting a fingertip and nail bed back together is a pretty interesting skill to have :) I don't like as much the heartbreaking conversations with the suicidal patient and her family centered around her gender identity. What I told her is that obviously I can't decide who she is for her, but being true to her values and treating those around her with honesty and kindness will get her through the really tough times. But honestly, what do I know, especially at three in the morning? Luckily there are really great resources for her that will do her more good than I possibly can in the emergency department in the middle of the night.
One thing I really like about the new hospital system where I work is that people don't seem to be quite as sarcastic or angry, even to the medical students :) I appreciate that. I'm thinking maybe having all the children around help the culture -- most people don't want to curse in front of a four year old. The absolute cutest moment of my current rotation this far: I'm discharging a patient home with her parents and they tell her, "Ok, sweetie, say thank you!" And this three year old says "Thank you!" to me and to her nurse, since we were standing together. Then, as she reaches the door, she turns around, bats her eyelashes at me, and says, "Bye-bye, Dr. Nia!"
Melt, darn it.
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Nearly Match Week!
This is probably going to be my last post on this blog. I haven't posted since last July!! I think the issue is that although I love blogging, I don't find weekly updates about my own life really compelling. So I may start another blog, but it will likely have different/more branched out content. Anyhow, here's what's been going on! I did 2 weeks in the adult ICU, as I posted. Then a month of NICU, a month of child neurology (when I fell in love with the field and decided I would apply in Child Neurology, a 5-year double board residency), a month of genetics, pediatric rheumatology, and a month of adult Medicine Sub-I (where you are supposed to function like an intern). The latter was at our county hospital, which was overwhelming. One dude came in with a CD4 count (a measure of how bad your AIDS is) of 4. Normal is in the high hundreds. So from July - November, I was on service continuously.
Then, I spent two months interviewing with child neurology programs. I did take a week off for Christmas, but it was such a whirlwind it didn't feel like a real break. This usually included a two-day interview with both pediatrics and child neurology. I went to 20 programs all over the country!!! By the end of it, I was incredibly tired and had been sick twice :)
Next week is Match Week. On Monday, I find out whether I matched in the original algorithm, and on Friday, I find out where I'm going. I've been super nervous, but Match Week is finally almost here. And then, I'm going South to do an away rotation where B is currently working. So he can't come to Match Day, but my mom and dad will both be there. It's a highly emotional day and some people are really unhappy with what they get, so I'm glad my school's Match Day is so chill (breakfast and then everyone opens their envelopes at the same time when the clock strikes 9). Last year, two of my friends were very unhappy with their matches -- one in Emergency, one is Psychiatry. Both matched to good programs, but not their top choices.
Also, Dusky the still-beautiful cat is ill with a nasal cancer and has been placed on oral chemo and kittycat hospice. She is doing okay (eating, drinking, meowing, sleeping), but has about 2-3 months by the vet's estimate, less by my own. She's much more timid than she used to be and has lost 5 pounds, but I think she believes she just has a left-sided cold. The diagnosis is nasal lymphosarcoma. I've had her since I was a teenager and literally can't imagine life without her. Sigh. Poor wee cat.
Then, I spent two months interviewing with child neurology programs. I did take a week off for Christmas, but it was such a whirlwind it didn't feel like a real break. This usually included a two-day interview with both pediatrics and child neurology. I went to 20 programs all over the country!!! By the end of it, I was incredibly tired and had been sick twice :)
Next week is Match Week. On Monday, I find out whether I matched in the original algorithm, and on Friday, I find out where I'm going. I've been super nervous, but Match Week is finally almost here. And then, I'm going South to do an away rotation where B is currently working. So he can't come to Match Day, but my mom and dad will both be there. It's a highly emotional day and some people are really unhappy with what they get, so I'm glad my school's Match Day is so chill (breakfast and then everyone opens their envelopes at the same time when the clock strikes 9). Last year, two of my friends were very unhappy with their matches -- one in Emergency, one is Psychiatry. Both matched to good programs, but not their top choices.
Also, Dusky the still-beautiful cat is ill with a nasal cancer and has been placed on oral chemo and kittycat hospice. She is doing okay (eating, drinking, meowing, sleeping), but has about 2-3 months by the vet's estimate, less by my own. She's much more timid than she used to be and has lost 5 pounds, but I think she believes she just has a left-sided cold. The diagnosis is nasal lymphosarcoma. I've had her since I was a teenager and literally can't imagine life without her. Sigh. Poor wee cat.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Why This Blog Is Only Nominally Anonymous
I bumped into a couple of dear friends yesterday and had a surprise Valentine's Day 'date' with them. I was walking near their place, so I should have somewhat expected it, but it was still a wonderfully unexpected meeting. Over Thai iced tea (yum), I found out that one of them knew about this blog! I was so pleased (hello K if you read this)! It feels safe and warm to know that friends occasionally pop in.
As someone who keeps a blog for the primary purpose of keeping in touch with family and friends and reflecting on my personal life, it is important to specify what this blog is and what it isn't. Although I do not post my name, address, medical school, or other identifying information for the world to see (and Google), I am fully aware that someone who really wanted to know who I was could find out based on clues and the sieve-like nature of "secure" information online. The Dr. Lindeman case (read his interview about it on ScienceRoll) illustrated perfectly why blogging, especially blogging anonymously about controversial topics, can lead to trouble.
Essentially, he is a Yale-and-Columbia-trained pediatrician who blogged as "Dr. Flea" for a few years. He had a straight-talking approach to the medical world and his commentary was often somewhat controversial. A lawsuit was brought against him by the parents of a 12-year-old boy who died of diabetic ketoacidosis six weeks after an office visit where his diabetes went undiagnosed. Because his team did not think it was true malpractice, it went to trial. During the trial, Dr. Flea blogged about the case, the jury, the attorneys, and the defense strategy. The prosecuting attorney then found a comment that linked Dr. Flea to the person on trial! I wonder if the person who posted that comment had any idea how much trouble it would cause. Basically, the attorney unveiled Flea's real identity in court, and he settled the suit. This whole saga made the Boston Globe. I have no more knowledge of or connection to this case, as far as I know, than the information available online. I feel bad for everyone involved.
That said, I do believe that medical students, residents, and doctors have a unique view of society and should try to participate in conversations about topics important to them. It's just that in a shrinking world of increasing internet fluency, it's utterly naive to think that you can post opinions that will never be identified with you. This is why I rarely blog about patients, I don't publish scathing critical reviews of anything, and I assume that my boss's kids will one day print this out and hand it to her! This blog is not a forum for me to rant about medical school or to air personal vendettas against specific people (which I don't really have, anyhow). I write to create a place online where people can check in and perhaps find something to think or at least smile about. But I have no desire to be an infamously controversial blogger; blogging, like so many things in the context of medicine, may be best done in moderation.
With all this in mind, I have drafted the following pledge:
The Sane Blogger's Pledge
1) I will not write anything 'anonymously' that I would be ashamed to have attached to my name.
2) I will not disclose secrets that do not belong to me.
3) I will remember who I am in real life and not let my blog identity overwhelm it.
4) I will blog about my past and present while remembering that what I write may affect my future.
5) Uncharitable thoughts are no less uncharitable in written form.
Does this mean no hot-button issues? No, it just means that when I take a stand, I do so knowing that to most of the people who read this blog, to our circle of friends/family/colleagues, and to anyone who does enough hunting, I am not anonymous.
Which brings up another issue: should I just post my name as the author? Would you consider blogging under your real name? What do you guys think?
Yours online,
Nia
As someone who keeps a blog for the primary purpose of keeping in touch with family and friends and reflecting on my personal life, it is important to specify what this blog is and what it isn't. Although I do not post my name, address, medical school, or other identifying information for the world to see (and Google), I am fully aware that someone who really wanted to know who I was could find out based on clues and the sieve-like nature of "secure" information online. The Dr. Lindeman case (read his interview about it on ScienceRoll) illustrated perfectly why blogging, especially blogging anonymously about controversial topics, can lead to trouble.
Essentially, he is a Yale-and-Columbia-trained pediatrician who blogged as "Dr. Flea" for a few years. He had a straight-talking approach to the medical world and his commentary was often somewhat controversial. A lawsuit was brought against him by the parents of a 12-year-old boy who died of diabetic ketoacidosis six weeks after an office visit where his diabetes went undiagnosed. Because his team did not think it was true malpractice, it went to trial. During the trial, Dr. Flea blogged about the case, the jury, the attorneys, and the defense strategy. The prosecuting attorney then found a comment that linked Dr. Flea to the person on trial! I wonder if the person who posted that comment had any idea how much trouble it would cause. Basically, the attorney unveiled Flea's real identity in court, and he settled the suit. This whole saga made the Boston Globe. I have no more knowledge of or connection to this case, as far as I know, than the information available online. I feel bad for everyone involved.
That said, I do believe that medical students, residents, and doctors have a unique view of society and should try to participate in conversations about topics important to them. It's just that in a shrinking world of increasing internet fluency, it's utterly naive to think that you can post opinions that will never be identified with you. This is why I rarely blog about patients, I don't publish scathing critical reviews of anything, and I assume that my boss's kids will one day print this out and hand it to her! This blog is not a forum for me to rant about medical school or to air personal vendettas against specific people (which I don't really have, anyhow). I write to create a place online where people can check in and perhaps find something to think or at least smile about. But I have no desire to be an infamously controversial blogger; blogging, like so many things in the context of medicine, may be best done in moderation.
With all this in mind, I have drafted the following pledge:
The Sane Blogger's Pledge
1) I will not write anything 'anonymously' that I would be ashamed to have attached to my name.
2) I will not disclose secrets that do not belong to me.
3) I will remember who I am in real life and not let my blog identity overwhelm it.
4) I will blog about my past and present while remembering that what I write may affect my future.
5) Uncharitable thoughts are no less uncharitable in written form.
Does this mean no hot-button issues? No, it just means that when I take a stand, I do so knowing that to most of the people who read this blog, to our circle of friends/family/colleagues, and to anyone who does enough hunting, I am not anonymous.
Which brings up another issue: should I just post my name as the author? Would you consider blogging under your real name? What do you guys think?
Yours online,
Nia
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Boundaries and Bosses
I have two bosses. They are both incredibly bright, lovely women who happen to have advanced degrees and a lot of clout. Big Boss is the head of our lab. She is one of those people who looks between 10 and 15 years younger than they are. She is very driven, down-to-earth, straightforward, and to the point. She is always juggling several things at once but somehow manages to get all the important things done. She keeps her promises. She doesn't have a lot of patience with personnel drama. However, her husband works in her lab, so I have a window into her world through their interactions.
The second boss I call my Little Boss. She is a young attending physician-scientist who works in the lab, and I'm helping her with her first big research study. She has a three-year grant and has nearly completed the work mid-way through her second year. She has been that kind of worker throughout medical school and her PhD program. However, she and her husband have just adopted a two-year-old boy and she is feeling a powerful maternal urge, I think. She is now planning to leave academia this year for half-time private practice so she will have more time with her son. I do not know that this goal will materialize for her, given the climate of private practice these days. I hope it will, since she feels compelled to leave so soon to pursue it. I have my doubts.
I have come to realize that in my lab, the blurring of boundaries between work and home is so great that most of the folks who work here could write each others' biographies. Each day, we all sit down to lunch for an hour from noon to twelve, the unwritten rule being: No Work Talk. Every time I have mentioned work at lunch, I have been gently hushed until I, greenhorn that I am, got the message. It is the socializing, networking, debating, and gossiping hour, but never work. It seems so civilized and old-fashioned. It is a far cry from the inpatient hospital world, where sitting down is a crime and chewing (meaning eating) a sin. In addition, Little Boss and Big Boss tell me so much about their lives. I know about their kids', pets, spouses, their home lives, etc. Perhaps the culture is that way because everyone is a parent -- Big Boss has two teens, four others have grown-up kids, and Little Boss as well as two other scientists all have kids under two.
Little Boss says that part of the reason she wants to leave is that she thinks that private practice will have more well-defined hours. For instance, in our lab, she can go home in the middle of the day if she wants to have lunch with her son. But she hates feeling that research is this amorphous entity that could take up 20 hours a day if she allowed it to. She'd rather have the stricter hours of a clinic, knowing that when she packed up for the day, she was not bringing her work home with her. I think the people she works with are far more important than the job description on paper -- if they value family time, that will affect the culture of the workplace. I personally think our lab environment is much more family friendly than the clinics I've seen -- of course, I've only really seen clinics that are affiliated with big hospitals. Perhaps community clinics are more flexible.
I am very grateful for this year. It is giving me a chance to study, think, earn a little money, work hard but sleep enough, and reflect about my future. I really, really needed it after an emotionally overwhelming and academically underwhelming third year. The other day, Little Boss introduced me as her "senior medical student," and I could not help but think that I am really too far behind in my studies to be referred to as such. Then again, that is what my precious year is for.
Today, both bosses were helping me prepare for my lab meeting on Friday afternoon. Big Boss wanted me to include more basic science, more details about the mechanisms, signaling molecules, hypotheses and how we were going to test them. Little Boss was of the opinion that this would put my audience to sleep, and that I needed to clarify the basic principles, questions, and background. The lab meeting is a practice session for the Works in Progress talk I am giving to the other year-long research fellows on Wednesday. That one is a bit more nerve-wracking because there will be another student speaking as well, before me, and one whom I know to be very hard-working. Anyhow, my task now will be to take the advice of Little Boss while somehow also pleasing Big Boss. I am so thankful for all this feedback and attention -- it's far more than I got last year. It is challenging, though, to navigate two opposing opinions -- clearly, Big Boss trumps Little Boss, but I work much, much more closely with Little Boss and want to keep her happy.
My only fear is that I will be pressured to divulge all the personal details of my life while at work. I guess I just have to guard against it. I have already been put in an awkward position a few times because my higher-ups ask me to keep secrets from one another; I don't want them to know enough about me to get under my skin. Ironically, it's safer perhaps to discuss things here, on this online blog, than at work. It's getting late now, so I think I will turn in for the evening. Good-night!
The second boss I call my Little Boss. She is a young attending physician-scientist who works in the lab, and I'm helping her with her first big research study. She has a three-year grant and has nearly completed the work mid-way through her second year. She has been that kind of worker throughout medical school and her PhD program. However, she and her husband have just adopted a two-year-old boy and she is feeling a powerful maternal urge, I think. She is now planning to leave academia this year for half-time private practice so she will have more time with her son. I do not know that this goal will materialize for her, given the climate of private practice these days. I hope it will, since she feels compelled to leave so soon to pursue it. I have my doubts.
 |
| My Little Boss |
Little Boss says that part of the reason she wants to leave is that she thinks that private practice will have more well-defined hours. For instance, in our lab, she can go home in the middle of the day if she wants to have lunch with her son. But she hates feeling that research is this amorphous entity that could take up 20 hours a day if she allowed it to. She'd rather have the stricter hours of a clinic, knowing that when she packed up for the day, she was not bringing her work home with her. I think the people she works with are far more important than the job description on paper -- if they value family time, that will affect the culture of the workplace. I personally think our lab environment is much more family friendly than the clinics I've seen -- of course, I've only really seen clinics that are affiliated with big hospitals. Perhaps community clinics are more flexible.
I am very grateful for this year. It is giving me a chance to study, think, earn a little money, work hard but sleep enough, and reflect about my future. I really, really needed it after an emotionally overwhelming and academically underwhelming third year. The other day, Little Boss introduced me as her "senior medical student," and I could not help but think that I am really too far behind in my studies to be referred to as such. Then again, that is what my precious year is for.
Today, both bosses were helping me prepare for my lab meeting on Friday afternoon. Big Boss wanted me to include more basic science, more details about the mechanisms, signaling molecules, hypotheses and how we were going to test them. Little Boss was of the opinion that this would put my audience to sleep, and that I needed to clarify the basic principles, questions, and background. The lab meeting is a practice session for the Works in Progress talk I am giving to the other year-long research fellows on Wednesday. That one is a bit more nerve-wracking because there will be another student speaking as well, before me, and one whom I know to be very hard-working. Anyhow, my task now will be to take the advice of Little Boss while somehow also pleasing Big Boss. I am so thankful for all this feedback and attention -- it's far more than I got last year. It is challenging, though, to navigate two opposing opinions -- clearly, Big Boss trumps Little Boss, but I work much, much more closely with Little Boss and want to keep her happy.
My only fear is that I will be pressured to divulge all the personal details of my life while at work. I guess I just have to guard against it. I have already been put in an awkward position a few times because my higher-ups ask me to keep secrets from one another; I don't want them to know enough about me to get under my skin. Ironically, it's safer perhaps to discuss things here, on this online blog, than at work. It's getting late now, so I think I will turn in for the evening. Good-night!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Mail from the White House!
I was hoping that would get your attention. You may have heard that you can send a wedding invitation to the White House and receive a response. B & I decided to test this out for ourselves, and we received a very timely response from the Hon. President Barack Obama & Mrs. Obama. Squeee!!!You can't tell from my scanned-in version, but the border is dark gold and 'The White House, Washington' is dark blue. I am so excited that our wedding will happen during the Obama administration so we can have the above keepsake for our scrapbook. I think it's neat for B given his lawyerly interests. It's really cool for me because I only became a US citizen in 2006. Did you know only US citizens are eligible to receive White House greeting cards?
Anyway, next time you'd like to invite the President & his family to your special function (wedding, baby's delivery, 100th birthday party, graduation, etc), write to them at:
The Honorable Barack Obama and Mrs. Obama
The White House
Greetings Office Rm. 39
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500
I was thinking some more about why I switched blogs. Somehow I felt that my old one had gotten too negative. There were a lot of posts when things weren't going well, and very few when they were. So I started a brighter and cheerier blog, inspired by murder mysteries with happy endings that you read with a cup of tea, and have made the following resolutions for a more uplifting blogging experience:
Nia's Blogging Resolutions
1. I will post more positive material than negative material. My own blog will therefore not depress me.
2. I will post posts of some substance, not 'tweet posts' that run like this: "I'm so tired. I'm still alive. Medical school is hard. Kthanksbye."
3. I will try to include a substantial bit of news or a new fact, etc. in each post. This is primarily to avoid #2 and also to convince myself that I'm learning. Something. New. Every. Day.
4. I will attempt to post at least once a week. Oh, boy, I can't believe I just typed that out loud.
5. I will respond to all comments made in earnest by anyone who takes the time to leave them.
How about you? Have you ever started a journal/blog/diary only to find that it gets you down more than it acts as an outlet? How do you lift yourself out of a funk?
Your friend,
Nia
Thursday, April 14, 2011
A Bend in the Road Deserves a New Blog
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| Half Dome in Yosemite |
In addition, two important and exciting things are coming up, each of which deserve a new blog perspective: I'm taking a sponsored research year to study how bones interact with the immune system (yay!), and I'm getting married next month (yay!). In the next year, I will also be trying to decide what kind of doctor I want to be: which specialty, how much clinical practice vs. research vs. education, etc.
My desire is to use this blog to share what I learn as I continue along this (slightly daunting) path. Anything is fair game, but as the title suggests, my focus will be on my daily life of medical school, matrimony, and the mayhem that is bound to ensue! As always, comments are gladly accepted and insights much appreciated.
Hugs,
Nia
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